You really can’t make this stuff up. From the Washington Post on Friday, your tax dollars at work and play:

High school students and college-age adults have been complaining to District officials that the free condoms the city has been offering are not of good enough quality and are too small and that getting them from school nurses is “just like asking grandma or auntie.”

So D.C. officials have decided to stock up on Trojan condoms, including the company’s super-size Magnum variety, and they have begun to authorize teachers or counselors, preferably male, to distribute condoms to students if the teachers complete a 30-minute online training course called “WrapMC” — for Master of Condoms.

condoms

“If people get what they don’t want, they are just going to trash them,” said T. Squalls, 30, who attends the University of the District of Columbia. “So why not spend a few extra dollars and get what people want?”

In you were wondering:


… the District, which began its publicly funded condom program in 2006, and New York are the only cities in the United States with large-scale, publicly financed condom distribution programs run through health departments. But health officials in both cities have been grappling over how to make government-issued condoms more appealing.

The number of free condoms that the District dispenses has been steadily increasing. The health department distributed 3.2 million last year, including about 15,000 in schools. The city, which has 600,000 residents, is on pace to hand out more than 4 million condoms this year, having distributed about 2.5 million so far. The program cost about $165,000 last year. The Durex condoms cost the city 5.7 cents each, but the Trojans will cost 6 cents to 9 cents each (depending on size).

Naturally, there’s a downside to liberal good intentions, as this classic report from The Onion makes tragically clear:

SANTA CRUZ, CA—A free condom served as a harsh reminder of the sexless existence Julie Tudor has endured since February 2002, the 31-year-old bookstore manager reported Tuesday.

“I could’ve told them to save it for someone who has even a remote chance of actually using it, but I still have some dignity,” said Tudor, who hasn’t needed a prophylactic since her Feb. 14, 2002 split with then-boyfriend Doug Ryback. “God, if they only knew how little they were helping me.”