ARF!

Bo here, the conservative dog in the White House. I’m in the Oval Office with Barry and the boys while they decide on a strategy for the State of the Union speech. They can’t make up their minds. Big surprise, huh?

It’s been quite a week here since the Massachusetts senate race, all of them whining and moaning like a litter of pitbulls finding out they’ve just been sold to Michael Vick. Barry, of course, has been hardest hit. A retiree in Pompano Beach, Florida, gets bit by a sand flea, and Barry is hardest hit.

Still, the Scott Brown victory was a genuine blow to the faithful. Barry thrives on self-delusion, so the team here firehoses him with flattery non-stop. The One. The Lightbringer. Captain Smooth. Except for Rahm, the only guy who can tell Barry the truth. The only one who actually enjoys telling Barry the truth. Teleprompter Jesus. President Fist Bump. Harry Reid’s Immaculate Negro. Barry doesn’t appreciate it, but Rahm doesn’t care. Anyway, Scott Brown’s election really shook the place up. I was there. I smelt the fear…

“Now what?” Barry kept saying as he flipped through the channels looking for good news. “Now what?”

On CNBC, Norah O’Donnell woodenly read the latest vote tallies, mascara running down her cheeks like Chuckie the killer klown. Keith Olbermann was in the background, loudly vomiting into a waste basket. (more…)

As you all watched the Bowl Championship Series title game between Texas and Alabama, consider that this could be the final game where some degree of freedom exists in who actually plays in the game.

Reliable sources tell me that senators are lining up to make demands for future BCS Bowl Games. Of course, these demands have not yet been made public because the negotiations are taking place in a secret location, in a closed building, behind a locked door, and the senators are reportedly hiding under black sheets — just like in the top-secret “health care” reconciliation process now underway.

Say goodnight, Ben

Apparently – and you heard it here first – Ben Nelson (D-Lame Duck, Neb.) has had told Harry Reid (D-Dead Man Talking) that he’s excited about the prospect of free Medicaid forever, but since the issue is insurance, he wants the Nebraska Cornhuskers to be guaranteed a BCS Bowl game forever or until he needs a hair transplant, whichever comes first. Plus, he’d like that one second taken back off the clock in the Nebraska/Texas game that put Texas in the Championship Game.

Typically, Reid praised himself as a brilliant negotiator and said Nelson could have his “Cornhusker Guarantee” by getting his team in the new Forever BCS Series, but that he could not take the second off the clock. Reid then reportedly said, “This has to be done in the spirit of bi-partisanship, there are Republicans in Texas. Besides, I want to use the word “bipartisanship” in a sentence I actually mean.” (more…)