CHRIS WALLACE: Jon Stewart, thanks for appearing again on Fox News Sunday.
JON STEWART: Wasn’t my idea, Chris. Last time, I looked like Kwai Chang Caine being schooled by Master Po. My ratings actually fell off the next week. So the suits at Comedy Central Central told me to take another shot at you.
WALLACE: So, you got your marching orders . . . to do what?
STEWART: Leave you whimpering like Jim Cramer, my friend, make you look like a boob. [from jacket pocket pulls out small beaker, removes cover, tosses contents into Wallace’s face]
WALLACE: [reeling] Whoa, what the hell!
STEWART: Who’s the joke on now, Chris?
WALLACE: [wiping face] Are you crazy?
STEWART: Lighten up, Chris. You need a sense of humor if you want to be taken seriously. Hey, it’s only water, man. [pointing to label on beaker] See, water– H2O. Says here right on the . . . [reads] “HCl—hydrochloric acid.” Oops. Mislabeled. My bad. Note to self: use cream pie or glitter next time.
WALLACE: But why?
STEWART: [reasonably] Try to understand my position, Chris. A sizable chunk of The Daily Show’s core audience hates your guts; they were PO’d when I showed respect and treated you like an equal. That’s not who I am. I humiliate right-wingers in a non-partisan way. I had to return to redeem myself.
WALLACE: Your core audience?
STEWART: Yeah. Fox has the Birchers, the neo facists, LaRouchers, and unborn rights freaks. My core’s a mishmash of animal liberationists, anarchists, human extinctionists, Palinphobes, water cooler thirtysomethings, and fever swampers from The Daily Kos and Democratic Underground.
WALLACE: I reject your . . . . (more…)







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