Energy crisis. Obesity crisis. Climate crisis. Unemployment crisis. The solution came to me in a rerun.

What do high gas prices, global warming, high youth employment, and child obesity have in common? The lack of a government solution. I’ve found it.

The Lean Green Obamachine.

How to make it happen? Use the stretch marks on the Commerce Clause to ban those nasty, polluting cars from metropolitan areas. Through ObamaCare‘s student loan program, lucky college students get to work off their enormous debts – and dorm butts – by public service in the rickshaw ranks of the green governmental solution.

Plus, it adds new meaning to Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move” program for obese kids. Public employee unions can get on board with Chicago-style student exercise programs – they could trot behind the college student carrying water and government issued nutrition in little green government issued backpacks.

This AmeriCorpse legion of environmental pedestrian patriots will finally learn to pull their weight and experience the joy of work in the Great Outdoors. As a bonus we get an overnight drop in noxious car emissions and traffic gridlock and noise. With lighter weight traffic on roads there will be fewer road repairs, freeing up still unspent shovel-ready TARP funds.

And Government Motors would probably love the opportunity to switch out one of their idle Chevy Volt production lines to manufacture the Obamashaw.

In spite of shrinking resources, market share, and credibility, the venerable Gray Lady has poured resources into trashing Toyota, the chief competitor of the paper’s drinking buddies — the White House and the UAW.

Look at the depth of their investigations, which, by  the way, far exceed the number of documents or years the New York Times reviewed while “vetting” candidate Obama:

Of the 12,700 National Highway Traffic Safety Administration consumer complaints analyzed by The Times, the Ford Motor Company had the most, about 3,500.

Toyota ranked second, with about 3,000 complaints, but those were linked to far more accidents — 1,000 — compared to 450 crashes for Ford.

Odd.  Taking the time to trash Ford while they’re at it?  How comprehensive of them. More: (more…)