REP. CHARLES RANGEL: Good morning, kids.  I’m your Uncle Chollie in Washington.  I help your Uncle Sam take care of you and your family.  Today, I’m here to introduce a very special person.  He’ll explain how you–our youngest citizens–can partner with him to make America a country we can all be proud of once more.  Or for the first time.  Whatever. Girls and boys, the President of the United States.

PRESIDENT OBAMA:  Thanks, Uncle Chollie.  Hi kids, it’s me, President Obama.  I enjoyed our visit last year.  Lots of your teachers asked if I would speak again this year, preferably for the last hour of the school day every Friday until June.  I’ve agreed, because I know how much you need your sleep.

Don’t worry, I’ll still have plenty of time to fix the broken country George Bush left me.  Like my Saturday radio speeches to grownups, these talks are all taped in advance when I’m not playing golf, so all I do is read what somebody else wrote and then I read it off these marvelous inventions we call TelePrompters.

Anyway, in weeks to come, we’ll discuss fun topics like Hot Czars™, the souped-up, small-scale vehicles my Michigan auto company will build for kids who are into power trips; and we’ll play Tic Tax Dough, a new Monopoly-like board game developed by a youngster in my cabinet named Timmy Geithner.  A special treat: the First Lady will sub for me one day next month and tell you a story about the Keebler Elf’s plans to turn you into a gobblin’. (more…)

With the report from Chris Matthews that Obama uses a TelePrompter even when he’s having private meetings at the White House, it’s time once again to trot out this perennial favorite of the Punahou Kid:

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You know you’ve just had a bad day when the apostle of Washington Conventional Wisdom, David “Teddy Kennedy’s seat” Gergen puts on his serious mien (does he have any other?) and pronounces upon the weighty matters of the day.

Yes, when Gergen speaks, people not only listen — they’ve already heard it all before!  In fact, it’s what everybody else is already thinking!  By the time it gets to Gergen’s lips, God long ago changed the channel to re-runs of Happy Days.

So what do you think?  How did POTUS do, sans TOTUS — commanding college professor (okay, “senior lecturer”) or tongue-tied, smirking, classless community organizer?  Mr. Smile and a Shoeshine, or an anxious, cantankerous former wonder boy/palooka who can’t figure out why this particular fight wasn’t properly fixed by David “Jake Lingle” Axelrod, like all his others? A strike, or a gutter ball?

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The crew of braying jackasses on Morning Joe today had much merriment with Sarah’s crib notes, as they continue to whistle past the graveyard of the coming annihilation of the Democrat Party this fall.  And CNN explicitly compared Sarah’s palm to the TelePrompter of the United States. (No, this clip is not from The Onion.)

So… Hand vs. TOTUS – you be the judge!

First the hand:

And now ladies and gentlemen, the TelePrompter of the United States: (more…)